Happiest Baby?

A couple weeks ago a friend of mine told me about this 7-10-2 method for getting babies to sleep through the night.  The biggest take-away that I got from the article was that babies need lots of sleep and therefore need an early bedtime.  This was problematic for us because at the time he was sleeping in bed with me and I would not allow him to sleep in our bed alone.  So we decided to go on the battle to get Payton to sleep in his pack n play once again.

We somewhat failed the first two nights because I fell asleep while nursing and he ended up sleeping in bed with me again some time during the middle of the night.  It was at that point that I realized I cannot nurse him through the night anymore.  One reason being that I would fall asleep before getting him into his own bed and the other reason being that he wasn't getting enough milk to sleep "through" the night.  So I prepare bottles before bed and gave that a shot.  After a couple more exhausting but somewhat successful nights of doing that, I came to realize that Payton may not be sleeping well in the pack n play because it moves whenever he does, causing him to startle and wake.  So we decided to give his crib in his own room a try.

So now Payton is sleeping in his crib and we don't nurse at night.  I have to say, I do miss the closeness of nursing my baby, during the day and now at night.  Even with the full bottles it was discouraging to see that Payton was not sleeping through the night; he was still waking every two to three hours. It was as if we were experiencing what most parents experience when their baby is a newborn but we were doing it at three months old.  Seems like forever ago our pediatrician had recommended us dropping a feeding at night.  But I was too embarrassed to admit that wouldn't be possible at the time because we were co-sleeping.  Now with Payton sleeping in his crib I can't fathom how I can deprive my crying baby of food when he is hungry in the middle of the night.  Still I wanted to get more than three hours of sleep in a row.

Finally yesterday we decided to try something new (to us).  I finally got to the library to get a library card and check out the parenting section.  I borrowed the DVD for The Happiest Baby on the Block.  A friend had mentioned it to me when Payton was just days old but I honestly thought it was a parenting book.  Yesterday I found out it was come miracle solution to make your baby stop crying and sleep more.  Although we were a little late to jump on this train, we were both eager to check it out.  Well.... I totally bought into it!  Some of it was information that we already knew or had discovered on our own but this doctor kind of put it together for us.  He explains that these "tricks" to calming a baby are simply reflexes, such as the reflex we are born with to suck, swallow, and grasp objects.  Not only that, but it re-inspired us to try to swaddle Payton once again.  So the next time Payton woke up, precisely three hours after we put him down, I had Carlos wrap him in the swaddle me.  We also turned up the volume on the sound machine.  To our amazement, Payton slept a full FIVE hours after that!  I cannot express to you how happy that made me!  That was the best and deepest five hours of sleep I've gotten in a little over three months.

We are swaddling Payton again tonight in hopes that we will get more great sleep.  Besides, my time is up.  I'm no longer a stay-at-home-mom, I'm now a working mom, because I have to go back to work tomorrow.  I have to leave my baby's side... and follow the smell of money (images of Pepe Le Pew following a scent trail dance through my sad little head) to get those much needed pay checks again.  Except Pepe Le Pew is happy because he is tracking down his love, I'm sad because I'm leaving my love.

Is Payton the happiest baby on the block?  I'm not sure.  But I sure think he's a pretty happy boy.  And if he can keep sleeping like he did last night.  I'll be the happiest mommy on the block!

Around the Corner

Halloween is just around the corner!

I wanted to get a head start this year, since I tend to be a little bit of a scrooge when it comes to holidays and I don't want to drop the ball for Payton's sake.  So I bought his halloween costume online and it arrived today.  We also already have our candy and a big black bowl with skull and cross bones on it for the trick-or-treaters on Halloween night.  I also intend to get some decorations for the front of the house.

Of course Carlos couldn't wait to put the costume on him already! LOL  I must say my little man does look very cute as a "little monkey" as Carlos loves to call him.

On anther note, I asked Carlos to start using Payton's name a little more often... otherwise he's going to think his name is Monkey, Chubby Cheeks, Pappito, or Cacheton.

How can anyone justify that?!

In general, I'm somewhat of a fan of the Kardashian's.  I watch "Keeping Up with the Kardashian's" and "Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami" regularly, I find their antics to be amusing, and I feel almost a connection with Kourtney because we are both moms under similar circumstances...  but today I almost felt an outrage toward Kim.  I heard on the radio and then read here that Kim Kardashian spent $100,000 in handbags yesterday.  In particular, she spent $30,000 on one bag!  This pisses me off to the nth degree.  The amount of money she spent on one handbag is the amount I purchased my car for, and I think I have a pretty nice car.  There are families all across the country living off of 30K or less!  30K could pay for one year at a nice college or an entire degree at a decent college!

I know Kim works very hard and she earns her money.  But maybe she's just a little overpaid.  Or perhaps I'm just questioning her priorities.  She could be putting all that money to a much better use considering all the people in the world that are starving or dying to preventable diseases.  But most of all, I just wonder if she ever thought to herself for one second, "I know I can afford this handbag, but out of principle I shouldn't buy it because it's too much to spend on a handbag."  I'd like to think I would.  But then again, I only make a little more than what she spent on that handbag in one year.

Mommyhood

I know, I know.  I've been very negligent of the blogging world, not that anyone is reading this.  Is anyone reading this??

Life has been crazy.  I've been in and out of the hospital for a kidney stone and another embarrassing problem.  I've been tossing around the idea of blogging about my embarrassing problem but so far I've decided not to.  Solely for the fact of whose hands that information could get into and who torment would result from that.  For these reasons, I still have not made it to work.  But when I receive the clearance to go, I am ready.  I prepared myself physically and emotionally (for the most part) last week Tuesday but I couldn't go because I was in too much pain.

I've also been busy with other projects, as well.  We had professional photographs taken of Payton.  I was still with kidney stone but after my emergency room visit.  But they came out beautifully.

I also recently joined Groupon so I can take advantage of all the wonderful things that families should be doing.  I joined shutterfly and made a book of photographs of Payton from his first three months.  Did I mention he is three months old?!  Just turned 12 weeks yesterday.  I can't wait to see the book but most of all, I made it so Payton will always know what he looked like when he was a baby.  All the precious moments and silly faces that he made as a newborn... you just can't replace that.

I also joined the Museum of Science and Industry through Groupon.  It's something I really hope to take advantage of as a family.  This first year is going to be important in Payton's development and I want to expose him to the world!

My next project.... a new tattoo??  I want to get one for Payton.  I think I've decided on the content but not the location.

My tattoo won't be quite this big!

Back to work

If you are friends with me on facebook, you may already know... I'm going back to work next week.  You may also know that I'm just not thrilled at the prospect.  In fact, I'm completely upset by it.

As far as taking care of Payton goes, here is the plan so far.  Carlos will be off on Mondays and Tuesdays so he will take care of Payton those two days.  Then Wednesday through Friday he will be at an in-home daycare.  Saturday he will be in my care and Sunday is going to be family day because Carlos will be off.

I'm happy that Payton will at least be with one of us for two out of the five days of the week.  Carlos has never been alone with Payton like this so it's going to be a lot of stress on him at first.  I know that Carlos gets frustrated sometimes and doesn't always know what it is that Payton needs.  Whenever he is taking care of Payton, I am always there.  Since I've spent every day, minus one while in the hospital, with him I have a little insight into his routine and what he needs and I'm able to help Carlos.  I will do my best to make sure he knows everything he needs to know before Tuesday.

I feel very confident with the daycare we have set up but that's not the issue.  I find it hard to believe I would ever be able to trust someone with Payton, but I almost do.  Fortunately, it's also a licensed daycare so that gives me more comfort.  But the change ahead is what frightens me.  Up until I start work on Tuesday, Payton has not been out of my sight for more than five minutes (except for a couple of hospital stays).  I hate that when Payton cries someone else is going to hold him and kiss him, not me or Carlos.  It will be strange to have the independence to be able to go anywhere and do whatever I want without worrying about Payton... but I don't want that independence.  I'm going to miss Payton like crazy.  I want to spend every minute with him and I don't want to miss a single smile or giggle.  If I thought I was eager for the end of the work day when I was working before, that is nothing compared to the way I will be running home to see my baby now.

I live for making my baby laugh and smile.

My stomach is in a giant knot.  I hate that we only have a couple days left together like this.  Then he will spend more of his waking hours with a babysitter than he will spend with me.  If it were financially feasible, I would stay home to be with him all the time.  I hope Carlos and I can make this weekend extra special.

We are smack dab in the middle of sleep training as I write. Poor little Payton is having such a hard time... and I blame myself. I hope he will give in soon.

How has my life changed?

Well, no, you haven't asked... but I'm going to tell you.  It's pretty cliche, but so true.  Since we've had Payton my life has changed in so many ways.  But the biggest of those changes is that I have something (someone) to live for.

Before it was all about me but now it's all about Payton.  Truly, everything I do is for him.  I hope he will understand that some day.

This is supposed to make life easier, right?

I broke down last night... and this morning. You may be able to sense my frustration in the blog I posted yesterday evening.

Payton is not on any type of schedule. He's not on an eating schedule and he's not on a sleeping schedule. It has been nearly impossible to put him on an eating schedule since I've been breastfeeding and having a lot of difficulties with it. Not so much the act of breastfeeding because Payton latches on like a champ. I suppose he got that from his father. No, it has more to do with either my inability to produce enough milk for him or his inability to stay awake to finish eating. Either way, he is always hungry! I spend more time when I'm home with him attached to my boob than doing anything else. To make matters worse, he won't sleep during the day unless he's in the car (and it has to be moving, with no stops!) or in either my or Carlos's arms. Can I add a little more to that? When he's sleeping, he almost always wants my nipple in his mouth. If you're keeping up, you may already know that from The Human Pacifier.

So today I'm doing a little extra work. Instead of sticking a bottle or nipple in his mouth every time he gets fussy, I'm doing something that no one really told me I needed to do... I'm putting Payton on a schedule. Now, that last sentence made me sound really bad. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I didn't know what else to do. Since I was breastfeeding, I didn't know how much milk he was getting. So when he got fussy and seemed to be hungry, I tried to feed him again. I was following the on-demand method. I was hoping that eventually my body would get the clue and start producing more milk so the problem would fix itself. Cluelessly, I somehow thought a schedule would emerge out of this process.

Payton actually interacting with his toys today.

Today and going forward, Payton is going on a schedule. Maybe not a strict schedule, but one nonetheless. Here are the guidelines:
Payton will eat every three to four hours, four ounces of a concoction of half formula and half breast milk. After his feeding, I will pump. Hopefully the regularity of the pumping will boost my production. After his feeding I'm doing my best to play with and distract Payton from the idea of eating. I'm going to have to do this until he starts to get used to the schedule (right?). Additionally, I'm working on getting Payton used to the idea of not being held 100% of the time. His last meager one hour nap was a one hour battle in the boppy to get a very obviously tired little child to fall asleep.  Tomorrow Carlos has agreed to give me a break.  He is going to take care of Payton while I do housework and continue my pumping schedule.

The result of our nap battle.

Did I mention that I have a kidney stone and I feel like crap.  Taking care of Payton and taking care of myself  seem to be conflicting priorities.

Have any other mommies out there had these types of problems? Am I the only one?

Schedule what?

Today I talked to a friend who had her second baby almost two weeks ago. She said she already has the baby and her two-year-old on a schedule. Wtf? What the hell am I missing? My almost two-month-old still is not on any type of schedule. How do you put a baby on a schedule anyway? And why didn't anyone teach THAT to me? This has been eating me up all day.

The Human Pacifier

Duh duh duuuuuuuhhhhh!  The title of this post sounds like it should be a Vin Diesel movie, right?

{ehem}

Ladies and Gentlemen! My loyal readers!  (All five of you) We are in the midst of a battle!  One battle in a war that my doctor expects to last one to two weeks...

You may remember a post of mine from a while back (and when I say a while back, I think I mean a little over a week since this blog is not that old) about a difficult night we had with Payton and trying to get him to sleep.  Let me refresh your memory with the highlights.... Payton wasn't sleeping through the night, the usual tricks weren't working, and I blame myself for being a bad parent.  As I said before and I stand by today, our spectacular plan for Payton to sleep truly back fired on us.  I wish that lactation consultant at the hospital never taught me how to do the laying down nursing position.  The result of those troubles was to implement a bedtime routine which we already basically had and a bedtime.  We kept the routine and added no/soft talking and a sound effect machine with projector.  The projector and heart beat sounds effect worked wonders, on me.  I passed the hell out in no time!  Damn you lactation specialist for teaching me that nursing can be comfy too.  No bed time was instated due to hectic schedules.  However, two nights ago I came to the realization that the reason we have suddenly turned into co-sleepers (code for "the baby sleeps in bed with the parents") is that Payton essentially turned me into THE HUMAN PACIFIER!  I imagine that to be said dramatically and with bass.

Have you seen these adorable pacifiers??  Apparently they are supposed to help hold the pacifier in place so it won't fall out of the baby's mouth while sucking.  I find it to be a risk for SIDS but who am I?  Certainly not a doctor!  If I were some sort of expert, I wouldn't be writing this embarrassing blog!  So imagine with me, if you will, a nipple pacifier with a giant body attached... perhaps life sized?  I think that's pretty much how Payton sees me.

I noticed something was up during the day, as well.  Payton wasn't taking a lot of naps and would only sleep in my arms.  I assumed that he was falling asleep in my arms before he was actually full so that's why he was waking up over and over to eat again.  I do a lot of reading and research about babies and read that a newborn this young can not be spoiled so it didn't concern me too much.  Though I was pretty determined to find a pacifier that he would accept because I had a hunch that there were many times throughout the day when he wanted to eat even though he was not hungry (I will address the pacifier issue in just a second).  There were times when he had to poop or was uncomfortable or basically any time we changed his diaper and he wanted to eat.  But two nights ago it clicked.  Since I fell asleep and was no longer waking up to put him in his bed I didn't realize that the periodic times that I was drifting in and out of sleep to find him sucking or looking to suck was not because he was hungry, he just wanted something to suck on.  He was doing this during the day as well as in the night.  This, by the way, is not very restful sleep.

When Payton was born, I did not even want Payton to use a pacifier, thinking it would be bad for him and screw up his teeth.  It was Carlos who burst my bubble on the idea that I had some sort of control over the situation, (which initially pissed me off because I'm a control freak), but he was right.  We used the soothie pacifier that pretty much every newborn is given in the hospital.  Being a superficial mommy (always wanting my baby to look his cutest) and not knowing the benefits of this pacifier, I just found it to be no-so-cute.  Payton also seemed to struggle with it, it was always falling out of his mouth.  In an attempt to give him a binky that would stay in his mouth, I gave him the Nuk pacifier which we had from the baby shower because they were lighter.  It worked!  Unfortunately it only worked for one day, one nap really.  We also had some MAM pacifiers from the baby shower hat I decided to give a shot.  These are more cute and don't have a ring so the baby won't accidentally pull the paci out of his mouth.  These were also a no go.  Determined to find something that could work, I did a little more research and dragged Carlos to Babies R Us to get two more brands.  I desperately hoped that he would take to the Tommee Tippee brand.  We use the bottles and they are great!  He has been able to switch back and forth between the bottle and breastfeeding with no problem at all.  Due to this fact and and the orthodontic design of the pacifier, I thought it would be a hit.  It also got pretty great reviews online.  But Payton did not like this one either.  Totally bummed I tried my last effort with Playtex because these look like a nipple and since he seems to be so interested in having my nipple in his mouth, it might work.  Payton did not have the slightest interest in this pacifier either.  In fact, with every pacifier we tried there were about two or three seconds of sucking and satisfaction until the look of disgust went over this face when he realized milk was not going to come out and he spit the pacifier out.  It was two nights ago, when I made the great realization, that I also remembered a small amount of success with the soothie from the hospital.  So, for the past two days I have been coaching him back into using this one with small amounts of success here and there.  Small victory for me! OK OK Too much details!  Let's go back to our battle and war...

One Day Old - Enjoying his soothie before going home.

Yesterday I had my six week visit with the OB Doctor, Dr. Simmons; I just love her!  We were discussing my concerns and questions when she asked me if Payton is sleeping through the night.  I explained to her that "he won't sleep without my nipple in his mouth".  She completely confirmed my belief and told me that he was using me as a pacifier and it needed to stop.  She suggested that Carlos begin feeding him in the night and that I not be around so I am out of sight and out of mind.  Dr. Simmons told me she had the same problem with her daughter so that made me feel much better.  But she said to expect the process of breaking him out of this cycle to last a week or two.

Carlos and I wanted to get started right away so we started his bedtime routine somewhat early.  Bath and feeding and in bed at 10:00.  I want to say that we started early at night because we knew it was going to be a rough one, but I did just have my six week check up which meant we could do what adults are supposed to do at night {wink, wink}.  After I fed Payton, I waited for him to fall asleep and gently placed him in his bed.  he began to stir immediately so Carlos shushed me off to take my shower.  This normally might have pissed me off because I always want to know what is happening with my baby, but he was right again.  He worked to try to get him back to sleep but it didn't work.  So when I came out of the shower I changed his diaper and Carlos patted his back until he fell back to sleep.  It was amazing!  I had the most restful sleep I've had in a long time, until 2:00 AM.  I got up, showed Carlos how to use the bottle warmer, changed his diaper, and passed him off to Carlos to feed.  I also pumped during this feeding.  He got to sleep at about 2:40 AM and woke again shortly after.  I changed his diaper and passed him to Carlos to feed.  I think he went back to sleep at about 4:30 AM and woke again at 5:30.  At this point Carlos is tired and frustrated the way I usually am through the night.  Yet, for some reason I am completely calm and awake.  I could get used to this change the diaper and pass the baby to someone else to feed routine!

It is currently 6:20 AM and I am sitting on the floor with my therapist (my blog) and Carlos is asleep on the bed with Payton on his chest.  Yes, I do think we are cheating.  We wait until Payton is sufficiently asleep before putting him to bed...but the whatever whatever wasn't built in a day, right?  Hopefully by the end of this process Payton will be able to start falling asleep on his own.  I hope, and I use the term hope very lightly, to return to work August 16th (pending a day care set up with is the subject for another blog one of these days) so I hope to have him in a good, solid bedtime routine by then.

Wish us luck!

Forgive me if this was not the greatest blog post as I had written something really great (pearls of wisdom, really) through the night but it was somehow all lost and I had to re-write it all!

I hope we aren't replacing one sleeping problem with another.

My Labor Experience

This post is for all the future mommies out there.  Believe it or not, a beautiful and wonderful labor can exist!

The last photo of me as a pregnant woman.

Instead of starting from the beginning of labor, let me go back to the beginning of my pregnancy.  Don't worry, it won't be that bad.  It's a fairly long story so I will do my best to shorten it to the most interesting and more important details.  After all, I am typing with one hand while Payton occupies my left arm.

Like most people, I had heard all the horror stories of experiences of pregnancy and labor.  Plus I watched a lot of Teen Mom.  As a result, I had a mental wish list.  On it were items such as:

• No stretch marks
• No swelling
• No complications
• Early baby arrival (By early, I meant two weeks.  Secretly I hoped for a 7 lb baby because I was a 9 lb baby, was eager to meet my child, avoid late pregnancy ailments,....and get out of work.)

Pertaining to the labor, I hoped:

• To not be induced (believing it would make my labor longer and more complicated)
• To not have a c-section

In regards to my wish list, I definitely got stretch marks.... about a million of them.  I didn't however get any swelling, thank goodness!  The two days of swelling during my eighth month after we moved to our new house do not count.  I do actually have a picture of my porky toes from those days.

Pay close attention to the purple toes and presence of a kankle.

I planned on only taking one week off work before my due date (July 4th).  However, due to extremely high levels of protein in my urine, I was taken out of work and put on bed rest nearly five weeks before my due date and told I was going to be induced at 9 PM on June 24th.  However, apparently Payton did not want to wait that long to meet everyone.  And that, my friends and readers, is where my real labor story begins.

**WARNING!! If you do not want to know details of what giving birth is like, read no further.  I do not want to get comments about why I put this on the internet.. yada yada yada.  Read at your own risk.**

Twas the evening of June 19th and I was at a friend's house.  Technically I was in violation of my bed rest but I had to get out of the house and I was really only sitting and relaxing outside, talking with my friends so I figured it was an outdoor bed rest.  Later that night I got this feeling.  Almost like the queasy feeling you get when you need to poop real bad, but it went away.  My friends noticed my reaction and wanted to make sure I was OK.  I brushed it off as a sudden urge to "have a bowel movement" and because I was embarrassed about it I just told my friends I "had a pain".  Well, the feeling came and went a few times and I knew I wasn't feeling well so I left my friend's house shortly after.

I went home and had the feeling a few times more.  I sat on the toilet a couple times, attempting to poop, when it finally dawned on me.  I came out of the bathroom and told Carlos my suspicion that I may be having contractions and was going to start timing them to be sure.  I was right and eventually they started to get more painful.  They continued through the night, starting out at about 20 minutes apart.  Carlos was so wonderful.  He went through the entire labor with me.  We both slept between each contraction but every time I felt another one coming, he woke up with me to hold my hand.  I never got a chance to take a child birth class but from watching baby shows during my bed rest, I knew I needed to be as relaxed as possible during contractions so my cervix could dilate. So I just breathed deep.  This went on through the night and into the next morning but my contractions seemed to be stuck at 10 minutes apart.

In a frustrated state, I called the doctor's office to talk to the on call Doc.  She told me that a lot of women go into labor at night so I should go about my day, take a shower, and walk around to see if the contractions stopped or progressed.  The pain was too much so I spent most of the day on the sofa while Carlos stayed nearby, cooking for me and such, so he could hold my hand through the contractions.  He was wonderful.  But they didn't progress and they didn't go away.

I called the doctor again around 5:00 PM to report... well nothing (from this point on, I really have no concept of time so I will rely on approximations and what Carlos tells me).  I told her that my contractions were still ten minutes apart.  The doctor told me to go to the hospital so they could take a look at me and see what was going on.  At that point Carlos was grilling outside so we waited for his chicken to finish cooking so we could leave.  He was running around the house gathering my bag and other things I needed.  I was getting real strong and frequent contractions when I walked so I crawled around on the floor gathering things as well.  Carlos loaded the car and we were on our way!

We arrived to the hospital to do some monitoring.  They hooked me up to the baby and contraction monitor for about an hour but it seemed like forever.  The nurse finally came back with bad news.  My contractions were not progressing and not very regular so they were going to send me home on Ambien.  I was really upset because I knew in my heart that my labor was real and we were going to have to drive back.  The drive home on Ambien was fun!  I felt like I was very drunk.  I was confused, repeating myself, and had trouble walking in the house and into bed.  I guess I was having contractions while I was sleeping but I don't remember them until BAM!  I woke out of a very deep sleep with a monster contraction and I got more very strong contractions every couple minutes after that.  Carlos says I was only asleep for 40 minutes before I woke up.  He was really worried about the amount of pain I was in and so we took off for the hospital again. 

This time they were convinced that I was in labor and admitted me.  This is when the labor starts to be 'beautiful and wonderful'.  Shortly after being admitted I received my epidural.  I know some people are against it and other people are scared of it, but I'm not sure I could have done it without it.  Actually, I'm sure I could have but this would have been a much different story.  I had to sit hunched over the side of the bed while the anesthesiologist did his thing.  The most painful part of that was the numbing shot which hurt less than the numbing shots I was given when I broke my toe.  I had to sit very still, even through a contraction.  I think I received my epidural around 2:00 or 3:00 AM.  After that we slept through the night, I didn't feel a thing.

The next morning I felt so rested, I couldn't even believe I was in labor.  The nurse discovered that my water bag broke through the night by itself.  Hooray!  Carlos and I went in and out of sleep through the morning and were feverishly updating friends and family about what was happening through text.  Carlos was also able to watch FIFA Soccer.  It was a great, relaxed morning.

Late in the morning I started to feel my contractions again and became concerned that pushing would be unbearable so the nurse got me an extra epidural boost.  I was back to feeling.... great!  After a while I started to feel the contractions again but the feeling was just a great amount of pressure.  Tons of pressure!  This feeling, apparently, is normal.  The nurse let me know that they do things a little differently at our hospital.  Instead of pushing right when I was fully dilated, they like to let the contractions do more of the work.  I simply had to breath through some tough contractions until I felt ready to push.

When I was ready the nurse explained the process... push through my bottom for a count of ten, three times for each contraction.  The key was to push like I was taking a BIG POOP because pushing through my vagina wouldn't produce a baby.  It was spectacular!  We did a test push before my doctor arrived and Payton crowned!  What we mostly saw was very dark, loooong hair!  Oh yeah, when I say "we" I literally mean it because with my approval, they brought a giant mirror on a stand so I could see my labor as I went through it.  People might feel weird about looking at themselves in a mirror but I highly recommend it.  I think it was motivating because I could actually see my progress instead of rely on the word of the people around me.  Seeing Payton's little misshapen, hairy head emerge was even more motivation to get him out.  I pushed like my life depended on it.  I was laughing and talking with everyone there between contractions.  It felt wonderful, no screaming, crying, or yelling to report.  As always, Carlos was wonderful... just so present and supportive through the entire process.  Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes after a big push and the doctor was holding my little naked baby.  We only pushed for 20 minutes.  Carlos cut the cord, which took a couple tries, and they placed him on my chest.

I couldn't stop staring at him, touching him, and crying.  I couldn't believe that I was looking at the being that had been living inside me for the past eight and a half months.  He was our baby!  He was healthy so they left him on my chest for several minutes, which I loved!  I watched the nurse clean and measure him from across the room while my doctor stitched me up.  Carlos diligently took pictures of Payton through the process (because I ordered him to do so).

Born June 21, 2010 12:43 PM 7 lb 4 oz 20.5 inches

Our first family photo

And that is the story of my labor.  I look back on the entire process so fondly and do not regret a minute.  I just wish I could express in this blog how meaningful it all was for me.  You just had to be there.  And now I have my son, who I love more than anything in this world.

The two men in my life.

To Cut or Not To Cut?

Have you heard about this?  I recently learned about this tribe in Africa with a very unusual tradition. This tradition dates back hundreds of years.  You see, the tribe felt that the outer ear lobe was a useless part of the body and started to remove them from their infant children.  Being that it was so long ago, medical research was not what it is today.  The tribe felt that the outer ear lobe led to dirty ears and ear infections.  Instead of teaching children to properly clean their ears they started to remove the outer ear from infants in order to prevent ear infections.  Infants were restrained and the unnecessary part of the ear was removed; it was a painful procedure.  Eventually local anesthetics were discovered to make the procedure more comfortable for the baby.  Most of the time the ear removal was done well and there were no complications for the child, but not always.  Here is the dilemma, modern research shows that the outer lobe of the ear actually serves a function.  It actually protects the ear and directs sound waves into the ear.  And as you and I know, with proper care and cleaning, we can keep the ear clean and minimize ear wax.  But the tradition in the tribe remains.  Due to the culture of the tribe, the tradition, and the desire of the parents to have their children's ears look like their own, the antiquated tradition still remains.

If you were to speak with one of these expectant parents, what would you tell them.  It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  It is ridiculous and the story is completely fake.  I made it up to prove a point.  I think it is safe to guess that a majority of you who would tell an expectant couple in the tribe to leave their baby's ears intact, would have their son circumcised.  You wouldn't dare remove an ear but you wouldn't think twice about removing the foreskin from his penis, which is very sensitive and filled with nerve endings.

I chose to not have my son circumcised when he was born and I don't regret that decision at all.  I couldn't see any reason to put my baby through that pain and the possibility of have physical problems if the circumcision doesn't go well... for no real good reason at all.  There really is no medical reason behind doing it and it was originally started for religious reasons.  In fact, circumcision isn't performed on boys for non-religious reasons in any other country besides the USA.  I think most Americans would shudder to think of circumcising a female, yet it is performed in 28 African countries (more commonly called female genital mutilation).  If circumcision was called male genital mutilation, would you still consider having it done to your child?

Obviously, the decision of whether or not to have a baby circumcised is left up to the parents and if you are already the parent of a boy, what's done is done.  But I do think that circumcision is too popular in America, for all the wrong reasons.  Therefore, I'm presenting you with my opinion and some starter facts.  For anyone that will have a boy in the future, before deciding to have your son circumcised, do your own research.  The medical evidence for the procedure is very limited, meaning the medical risks circumcision is thought to reduce are very limited and avoidable in non-invasive ways.  It is a painful procedure, don't let the idea that an infant won't "remember" the experience fool you into believing that your baby will not feel pain.  And lastly, let your child decide if they want to be circumcised when they are an adult.  They can always remove their foreskin later, but it cannot be put back.

I leave you on this note, have you ever seen how a circumcision is performed?  I haven't either.  But I found a picture on the internet and it looks so terribly painful!

Am I doing this right?

Aside from a few bumps in the road, up until last night I really felt like I had pretty solid control and understanding of what is happening with my child and how to take care of him.  Last night was really difficult for me.  I think it was difficult for Carlos too but since I take the brunt of the work when taking care of Payton in the middle of the night, I think it was a little harder for me... I'll explain.

Let's get this out there so the queasy and uncomfortable people can vomit or whatever and then get over it... I'm breastfeeding! {GASP}  Regardless about how weird and creepy some people feel about breastfeeding, there are so many benefits for me and Payton to doing it that I wouldn't want it any other way.  Besides that, let's grow up people, it's natural... and you probably breastfeed from a COW (you're human).  I mean sure, you don't stick your mouth right up the the cows utter and drink, but sometimes I pump and feed my baby from a bottle so as far as I'm concerned, it's the same shit.  Now that we got over that, let's move on...

As of right now, Payton sleeps in a pack n play at the foot of our bed so that we can hear and take care of Payton when he needs us.  For those of you who do not know, newborns typically need to be fed every two to three hours.  But our smart little plan for taking care of Payton's needs have backfired on us.  This was the plan:
When Payton starts to wake up or stir (indicating he is in need of something, usually to eat), Carlos gets up to get him and checks/changes his diaper.  When his diaper is taken care of, he hands Payton off to me to breastfeed him.  In his four short weeks of life, this has worked out tremendously well!  There are a few different positions that a child can be breastfed in, the most handy of these for night time is to lay on my side to feed.  This works great because Payton falls asleep while eating.  When Payton is asleep, Carlos picks him up and gently places him in his bed at the foot of our bed to sleep peacefully.

The problem is that as I've become more and more comfortable with breastfeeding and more and more exhausted with the lack of sleep and "me time", so I fall asleep too.  That means that Payton may actually end up sleeping next to me for an hour or so before I even notice, and now he doesn't want to sleep anywhere except in my (or someone else's) arms or on the bed with me.

So now you are asking, what's the problem?  Right?  I'm afraid this is going to lead to us having an infant and then a toddler that will only sleep if he is in bed with me/us at night.  When it comes to Payton developing independence and keeping him safe, I do not think sleeping in the bed with us is a good idea.  Our pediatrician also strongly advised against it.  Besides that, I feel it might affect my relationship with Carlos.  Currently, Carlos sleeps on the floor while I feed our little man so we can have enough room.  It's a really nice gesture but it bothers me because I want him to be comfortable at night too.  The nighttime is supposed to be the one time when Carlos and I are bonding and focusing on us, instead of Payton.  I do not want our situation to end up with Carlos sleeping on the sofa every night because we cannot break Payton of the habit of sleeping with me that he started too early in life.

Because of all these reasons and our pediatricians recommendation we attempted to make him sleep in his bed more last night but it didn't go well.  I continued to unwillingly fall asleep while feeding him so he slept with me a good portion of the night.  When we did get him into his own bed Carlos would climb into bed and wrap his arms around me.  We zonked out for maybe a few minutes (I'm not sure, it's hard to tell when you are that tired) for Payton to wake up and start crying, only to do the entire ritual all over again!

I want to be the best mom to Payton I can possibly be and I think I took last night's situation too personally, as if I failed.  I knew motherhood was going to be difficult but I didn't know it would be this hard!  Moving forward, I've decided to start Payton on a bedtime routine.  I know it's a little early but I think he will benefit from it in the long run and it can't be any more frustrating than what we are doing now!  Also, I've decided to enlist the help of Carlos to keep me awake long enough to put Payton in his bed after each feeding.  It is going to be hard and it's probably going to make us real tired but the results will be worth the effort, in the long run.

Now, what is a good bedtime for a newborn????

Adventures in Sandy Land?

Well, I've decided to start a blog.  I was considering doing this when Payton was first born (24 days ago) but didn't put too much serious thought into it until a friend asked if I was going to do it.  Hmmmm, if I thought about it and someone else did, maybe it's a good idea!  I guess you could say that is a little bit of insight into how my brain works, now isn't it?

So here I am with a blog that I may or may not actually keep up.  But it was difficult to get started!  How does one title a blog?  I don't know much about blogging and I don't follow any but I'm pretty sure blog titles are usually pretty cheesy.  Welp!  I think this title should fit the bill!  It is very accurately cheesy while also being pretty general.  See, I'm not 100% sure how I plan to utilize this blog.  I know that the biggest thing in my life right now is the arrival of my son, Payton.  I definitely plan on addressing the issues of being a new mother and how I learn and cope but I do also have a life of my own so I might want to talk about other things too.  For instance, how sad I am that The Hills has ended! Just kidding!  I'm guessing my facebook friends may appreciate me getting a blog so I won't talk about Payton there so much... I mean, if you're not a parent, don't care to be, or have no emotional interest in a certain baby, I'm sure it can be annoying to see facebook status updates on a daily basis about said baby.

Follow if you'd like, feel free to comment as well!  I hope someone will get some sort of enjoyment out of it besides me.  I'll get started as soon as inspiration springs a leak on me... or maybe that will be baby pee... hmmm blog about diaper changing???? Sounds boring.